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Old 03-18-2013, 04:55 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by hyperskeptic View Post
Here it is: My own openness to having multiple intimate relationships is not the same thing as, nor is it conditioned upon, identifying myself as "polyamorous" or as a member of the poly "community."

I don't have to join! I don't have to go to meetups or to conference or rallies! I don't have to speak for "the poly community" nor do I have to be spoken for by it!

What a relief!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lunch date tomorrow . . .

I have also been turned off very much by the vibe at poly gatherings. Sex- and kink-focused, all about hooking up, and arrogantly preaching that poly is "superior" to monogamy. Ugh. How tedious. But your latest post reminded me of an old thread, in which I had posted the following:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I'm not an activist. I just want to live my life . . . How I choose to conduct my relationships is not all of who I am . . . I'm not crazy about being categorized.

I think it's great when polyamorous relationships get positive coverage in the press and media, but what am I going to come out about? "Hello! I like to have more than one partner! I know how to love lots o' people!" So what? Who asked? It would feel like calling attention to myself in a boastful way. At least that's how it would seem for me.

I feel like I can touch others and effect change or bring about acceptance in society one person at a time, just by being comfortable with who I am and how I live, and letting people see that as I interact with them in my daily life -- not by jumping on a bandwagon.
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
. . . I am not afraid of activism . . . I feel now that living life as one chooses, rather than how society expects one to live, is also a form of activism. Quieter, yes, but activism still.

I can make my statement in a way that is right for me, with or without participation in rallies and parades and such. I don't begrudge others their form of activism, I just don't find it works for me. The reason I dislike the idea of a poly "movement" is that a movement then tends to place expectation on anyone who would lean in that direction, and the potential for being judged if not doing it "correctly," or along the lines of what the larger group deems to be the way to do it. I am me and struggling to be me is how I stake my claim in the world, but I don't see waving a banner as the way I should do it. That is all.
That thread has some interesting contributions from other folks, too. It can be found here: National Poly Coming Out Day

The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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