Here's another pattern I need to figure out: the approach-avoidance conflict I have regarding my own possible practice of polyamory.
This is part of trying to make sense of the stress I'm feeling at APW.
(I'm writing this on my smart phone, during the closing keynote address.)
I seem to go through spells in which I am powerfully drawn to polyamory, curious and excited to explore the possibilities of having more than one close relationship. At other times, I'm overwhelmed by . . . some brew of thought and feeling that expresses itself almost as revulsion.
Anyone who has had the misfortune of following my various threads on this forum has seen this pattern play itself out, again and again.
My purpose here is not just to vent about another swing of the pendulum - which, in this case, took just a couple of weeks - but to try to figure out what it is about me that leaves my simultaneously - or alternately - drawn to and repelled by the prospect of being polyamorous.
Here I am at APW, feeling beset by stress, wanting nothing more than to flee. Monogamy is looking pretty good, right now.
But I know that, in a week or two, I may be calm and open again.
What the hell is going on?
I know that part of it is that I need to separate my response to non-monogamy as such from my reaction to this meeting and to the subset of the self-described poly "community" present here.
I'm feeling oddly raw. I probably shouldn't be writing this, now. Maybe I'll have some perspective on it in a few days.
Last edited by hyperskeptic; 03-17-2013 at 05:04 PM.