Originally Posted by Surriess
to get back on topic...when to disclose poly?
I find it easiest to bring it up right away. why extend it and later find out that she may not be into it? because if you bring it up right away and find out shes not into it, move on to the next one! that is exactly what i do when i do my online dating at lavalife.
I have no idea why some people find it so hard to be honest.
Stephen King once put it as there's "the world," and then there's "the world beneath the world." To some people, that has an ugly connotation, the world beneath the world contain the things you can hide, the things people can miss, sometimes consciously don't want us to see, and what we really connect with or pull away from.
Making up an example, a "Man of the World," let's take Joe. Joe is a black guy, pretty easy-going, works in medical research, is nice to old people, children, animals, and the stupid. He's got abs you could grate cheese on.
A lot of folks meet Joe, and on a superficial level, are pretty impressed. Maybe they go in his house after a few dates, find out he only eats organic, doesn't touch alcohol, and is respectful of different lifestyles and cultures. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
And yet, if he comes out, and shows those things that you can't tell just by looking at him: That he's poly, that he's a man who has sex with men, that he's deeply into BDSM, that he doesn't want children... Instead of going from a pool of thousands who might meet him and find out he's wonderful to be with, he might get embarrassed in his own work and living community, as well as have a lot of lonely nights. Sometimes the right time for "the big reveal" is not a profile, a first date, or that initial chat at the farmer's market. It's when people really need to know who you are.
Then again, some folks like me prefer to burn bridges or make connections early on, but I would hardly argue my way is the right way, or the only way.