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Old 01-08-2010, 05:47 AM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 900

Originally Posted by crisare View Post
This is exactly the kind of response that is making me want to leave. Someone says they feel that X is happening and instead of saying "hey lets figure this out" the immediate response (and Ceioli, I see this often from you) is: That's YOUR interpretation. Provide me with proof of what you think is happening.
I'm not asking for proof, I'm asking for actual examples so that they can be addressed and figured out. It's very difficult to get to the bottom of things if all we're doing is working with people's interpretation of the words rather than the actual words themselves. But you seem to have decided to view everything I say through a confrontational lens and you certainly aren't the only person who feels that. There ain't much I can do about that.

That's not conducive to understanding. It's a challenge. It's "prove to me that you deserve to feel the way you feel".
Again, no. It's asking a person to be clear about what they are having a problem with so that it can be addressed.

But I'll be honest here, on more than one occasion, you have been known to seriously overreact to things said in various threads in which the statements were not referring to you yet you still took great personal offense as if they were referring directly to you. I think it's more reasonable to ask for clarity about what exactly is offending than to walk on eggshells around unknown triggers.

As for the examples:

From discussions where it is insisted that relationships where sex is prevalent cannot be considered polyamorous (sexless is fine and dandy)
No one ever said that relationships where sex is prevalent cannot be considered polyamorous. That's a complete distortion of anything anyone has said.
People in that particular thread had been looking to disassociate with the label of polyamory because of the sexual practices of others who share that label. The discussion came from addressing that issue. And in this particular post, she specifically mentioned that her comments came from what she had seen in that particular thread and others on the forum. Even if people felt accused by that statement, perhaps asking her to come up with the specific examples in which she saw that sex negativity would have helped to further the discussion and cleared up any issues of whether or not she was accusing people and whether or not what she said was fair and appropriate. I'm pretty sure Raven wouldn't have been offended to be asked that. Redpepper does a great job of that when issues like that arise, and she did a great job of it in that thread.

And this:
A prejudicial view of polyamory which houses a prejudiced view of sex. Sex = negative unless it be purified by the cleansing waters of love. Because love (what is love again? Someone bring me a definition ) is the reason having sex would not be some dirty rank thing. Sex-negative.
No one has said sex without love is "dirty" or "rank" .. just that it's not poly.
Hmm...well, first of all, she challenged a statement that I made. Second it was directed at an idea, not a person. She was speaking to the idea of the need to completely separate sex from poly as mutually exclusive in order to lend it legitimacy in society. It seemed to be more of a comment on society than specific posters on this thread. But again, if you felt an accusation in this, why not ask for her to be more specific about what she was saying rather than assume that she was lambasting particular members of this forum directly or indirectly?

The accusation of being "sex negative" simply because one sees a difference between casual sex and committed sex is offensive and hurtful. And quite honestly I don't need the heartache of dealing with people who throw out accusations of bias or prejudice or bigotry just because someone disagrees with them.
I'm sorry that you feel offended or hurt by that. However, discussing and challenging views on how sex-positivity and sex-negativity manifest within a poly culture is not the same as specifically accusing people who are poly in a certain way as being sex negative. Just the same as disagreeing with a post and writing another post to spell out why one may disagree isn't telling the other poster what to think or ask. You might benefit from just blocking me because it seems any time I'm going to disagree with you, you're going to be offended by it.
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