I would suggest two things. The first would be to ask your wife to think about what she needs from you to feel safe, happy and secure; she is the person that holds the vast majority of the answers to the questions that you ask. My next suggestion would be that it's really, really, really important to invest in your relationship with her and create a sense of oneness with her; dates, romance, flowers, letters, cards, massages, a special dinner, a nice bottle of wine, a gift certificate to a spa - romance and messages of love and desire for her.
Ask her what she needs, and romance her socks off. Those are my only two pieces of advice.