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Old 03-15-2013, 04:55 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,171
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Glad you are better.

You sound to me like you could be talking about changing a core belief in you and working toward that.

http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/wr...lsebeliefs.htm

That is one general article on changing a core belief.

Here's some Labriola:

http://www.kathylabriola.com/article...u-in-poly-hell
That talks about feelings like demotion, displacement, intruded upon, etc.

http://www.kathylabriola.com/article...-relationships

She covers some core beliefs there and changing them

This is Wagner and she covers jealousy in terms of being a "flag" emotion with other emotions underneath it. Could really check into the page 5 and 6 things.

I do not know if those things could help you come to terms with being a monoamorous person loving a polyamorous person and thriving as an endpoint in a "V" shape open relationship model where your wife is the "hinge" or "shared sweetie."

(you + {wife) + Other}

Could take the time to do some soul searching... could take the time to try it out and see like you are doing. Give it a good try if you want to -- but think about giving that "Experiment Time" and end point to get the Final Word.

Do not compromise your values if they cannot be changed and do not engage in less than self-respecting behavior just to stay in it here. Don't bury feelings if they come up a lot. That's a good way to build resentments in each of you.

If you come to find the Final Word is yes -- you are monoamorous AND monogamous who wants a monoship -- and cannot function as a monoarmous in a polyship in a healthy way? Accept it.

There is nothing wrong with ending the romance layer to your relationship and staying friends. You changed before right? You can change again. Once you were strangers, then changed to friends, then changed to BF/GF then changed to marrieds... you can handle more change. You will be ok and you do not have to "lose" her. You both could choose to evolve your relationship to another place and still enjoy each other in your lives.

Like... keep it real and go into it prepared. You know?

I'm hoping you guys do great in your unfolding journey.
GL!
GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 03-15-2013 at 04:58 PM.
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