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Old 03-14-2013, 08:06 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Part 2



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ME: #1 Yes people should consider the spouse and kids, but thinking with in the strict confines of the reverse awaking concept when does it happen in regular awaking ? I've never seen anyone suggest they should carefully weigh the effects of changing the marital dynamic on children when considering taking up a poly lifestyle with a reluctant spouse. Ive read a lot of threads never seen that. Please list the ones you've said that on.

YOU: First of all, to me that's a faulty premise and therefore not answerable since I don't agree with your concept of "awakening".
Really ... http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=14062

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Second of all, seriously?!? I'm not going to do your homework for you. You want to know where I've said it, or GalaGirl, or anyone who deals with poly and kids, you can go look it up.
I did ....couldnt find

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If you search for pregnancy that would probably be fastest. There have been several threads where people have recommended slowing down and not opening yet when you're already dealing with adding a baby.
As explained above thats a different context. Valid and good advice but it didnt happen the same way. I perfect one for one is what I was talking about.

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From everything I've read (here and elsewhere) the general consensus is that poly is not detrimental to children as long as people are respectful, considerate, and responsible in their move to/practice of poly.
Thats actually not typically the case with the newbie laying out the confrontation with he or she's mono partner. It has been discussed but only if specifically asked ...thread topic.

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ME; #3 the word "celebrated" was used to describe how a new person is treated upon their personal awakening. The words of support to the new member. Following that internal wiring....not on the particulars of their executing their plans for their new lifestyle or the effects it had on others within their sphere.

YOU: There tends to be greater support given for those going against the norm rather than those going back to the norm. That's human nature. And this is a POLYAMORY board. Yeah, there's going to be more support for those trying to work towards poly rather than away from it. So I guess I'm not sure of your point. If you're complaining because a poly board supports people trying to be poly more than people trying to not be poly, besides "No kidding" I don't know what else to tell you.
My point was you took the word celebrate out of context and inserted it onto an action matt did to paint a false impression.

AND "NO KIDDING " .....

So... I'm arguing that there's a unfair bias or unfair treatment and you've been arguing point by point no thats not the case but then ADMIT IT ????
Thanks ... why not just admit that early and save me reading old threads ...which all prove my point.

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ME: Nothing wrong with the suggestion of taking his time and thinking it through. It seems he's being judged for his decision. He British so he's got cultural baggage surrounding repressed emotions. Why can't he have a mono identity? That seem to be belittled by those thing. Her identity must be honored ...and his can be compromised. the compromise is his ideal partnership and life for some time management. How would you do that with gay person ?

YOU: No, his identity as such was not belittled.
So the adjectives and characterizations were kind and respectful ? Liar, rash , vengeful, emotional repressed ( because he resides in the UK ) An assumption...... I got very good friend who is American who lives and works in London and has for years ...in the industry I use to work in we ended up all over the world. Sounds like he's from Australia anyway. Anyone bother to ask where he's from ?

YO matt Where are you from ?

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ME: How do you slow down on an Identity ?

ME: A person walks up and says "sorry honey I'm gay" .....how do you slow that down. How do you compromise.

YOU: You don't slow down an identity. That's ludicrous (yes, I know that's your point). But you absolutely have a choice in how quickly you ACT on that identity. I went through the first 6 years of my dating life not realizing I was bi.
Would it have helped or been kind if you were called a liar ? Come on 6 yrs....no introspection ... I dont know ???????
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Once I figured it out it was still another couple of years before I dated a girl. And it didn't kill me. I wasn't even particularly miserable.
That could sound indecisive....and just putting off the inevitable. Particularly miserable ? ...why be even slightly miserable. If you don't want to be or don't have to be. That was your choice. Matt or I might think you wasted 2 yrs of your life for nothing. Personally I would never judge you for taking your time or the opposite you wanting to start dating 3 women in a week ....or 1 women in 2 years your choice your journey.

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Same with poly. MC and I have taken baby steps for YEARS to get to this point. We've gone from "Flirting, dancing with and making out with someone else at a party is okay as long as the other isn't there" to me having a second committed sexual relationship that we're trying to turn into cohabitation. But that was over the course of 15 YEARS. No one is going to DIE if they keep their status quo for a little longer while they communicate and work out what the issues really are .
The issues are really clear. HE doesn't want to share. He wants 100% back for the 100% given ...doesn't want to live by committee. Have agreement's and plans short circuited by a third person. He wants exclusive partnership no outside influences no time balances. The CEO of romantic love should only be working for 1 company....one partnership ....100%, focused. Not 50/50. In his head it's a very important position and would like her complete focus. Unlike a part time walmart greater or the Id checker at costco



Sorry Mags I"m out of time. Maybe tomorrow
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