I spent 3 1/2 hours last night trying to find a new person " awakening" thread in which that person was advised to carefully weigh such a decision in regards to its effect on the children. Didnt find one. This one seems perfect for a couple of reasons
These like many many more seem to capture the general attitude and typical response. Notice NO one me included mentions the kids or impact on kids. I have a long list if anyone wants it. All very similar.
I do remember Mags and gala stating time requirement of young children and the integration of other partners .
I did run a cross a simliar thread last night addressing that issue however the couple in question were both active poly and maybe in a quad the woman had 2 small children under 3 and pregnant with another on the way. So the situation wasn't applicable from a awakening newbie point of view.
Different point of view does not equal confused.
Yeah I thought that might be the case which is why I asked the question on the concept of awakening. I also got the impression you might not understand the pure concept of an opposite. Whether you agree with the general overall concept or not, the mechanics of the inverse. I said "Its perfectly fine to wake up one day and want an open marriage or want a poly marriage or non monogamy ... it's excepted .... it's encouraged ....it's fucking celebrated ." Check out the links above ..... that's true.
Me: First let me ask if you think its possible for someone to have an awakening.?
You: No, not in the sense that you're using the word. A sudden realization? Sure. A sudden realization that MUST be acted upon RIGHT NOW?? No.
I placed no time element in the use of that word. Sudden realization vs awakening isn't that a distinctions without a difference ? Also the term "awakening" is actually used by new people way more than you might think ...and agree with. So are they wrong too ?
Who's the arbiter on the correct amount of time in executing an identity?
ME: Do you understand the premise of the reverse awakening as it applies here.?
YOU: Understand, sure. Even sympathize with (especially now after Matt's more extensive explanation, which laid out far deeper issues than just "I don't want to be poly anymore" and a more balanced outlook on the next few steps). But agree with? No. I don't care what your realization is- gay, poly, atheist, whatever (and I've been through "awakenings" on all those topics), you don't have to rush into ANYTHING. If you suddenly realize you need to stop drinking, fine, stop drinking. But something that has the potential to drastically affect, even damage your relationships, particularly with your children? Slow down and take your time. Which the OP seems to be saying he IS doing. I think some of his more emotional posts gave the impression to some of us (me included) that he was rushing into drastic action. But if that isn't the case, good, and I wish them all the best in trying to work this whole thing out.
Because you might be much less decisive than the next guy or gal aren't you judging them for being more so than you ? Or you less so them?
Slow down you might change your mind on being gay ?
ME: #2 If a person was a serial monogamist, a cheater, etc for years (history) ...finally gets married ...commits to a traditional mono marriage.. is happy for several years ...has kids ....more years pass ... not so happy for a period of time and then he or she reads a book see's a tv show has a dream or whatever and boom it clicks I"M POLY ...I"M wiring for non monogamy.
Is that person a liar? Was he or she Lying to themselves and their spouse all that time ?
YOU: This got addressed in another thread, I believe, when Jane brought up a good example. If they really truly didn't realize because they didn't know it was an option, then I will take back any accusation of lying and they can just be mistaken about what they wanted. Being mistaken is fine, we're human. If they were avoiding introspection out of fear or because they were trying to make someone else happy/not be alone, then they were at the very least lying to themselves, and possibly lying to their partner.
I didn't see the other thread ....but my main point was the contrast on how the newbies are treated . SEE links above ...no one got called a liar. I have yet to see that as well in any of the "sudden realization" threads.