I know what it means. She exists, but she doesn't mean anything to me. I'm not putting a title on that. It's a nonexistent relationship, acquaintance deal, or even friendship. It's nothing. She's just the other person. This isn't a Vee because I'm not even treating it like one, so metamour doesn't feel like it fits. She's not part of my family. I'm sorry. It's just not happening. No amount of time away or there will make me see that any differently.
My needs were expressed clearly. I told my wife that her girlfriend was too involved in our marriage and family affairs. Do you know what her response was when I tried to separate the two on my own? She was pissed off, and it caused disagreements to occur. It reached a point where I was tired of going back and forth over everything involving her girlfriend's involvement and say in our marriage and family business, and I backed off of it and let her have her way. I let those feelings go. It stopped being worth the headaches. So yes, her girlfriend's involvement was addressed before the fallout that happened last week. In therapy, she admitted that she downplayed my concerns because they didn't benefit her, and they weren't what SHE wanted to hear. I've been waiting to hear those words. In other words, my feelings didn't matter to her then. But they matter so much now, though? Please and people wonder why I feel like she can survive without me.
As far as feeling undermined, that's a new one. We started making plans last year for our child to start school later on this year. My wife didn't want them to attend school within the city. The one we clicked with the most and thought would best serve our child's needs was outside of the country. All the while, she kept her girlfriend in the loop. She said she wanted to move. At no point did she ever say otherwise to me, and we didn't force her into making that decision. It was her choice.
During the argument, Snowflake said, "Oh and by the way, I don't want to move." I stopped for a second, and I found myself telling her, "Well, it really doesn't matter because you aren't part of this family any way. Life will go on without you." With that, she left. Once everything had calmed down, I asked my wife about her remark. She informed me that a few months back she had come to her and expressed hesitation about moving. Around late November this was expressed to my wife. She had never said any of that to me. My wife didn't say anything to me. Probably because she assumed she would bring it up, or she blew it off because it wasn't what she wanted to hear. My wife's response was the killer. "We need to reconsider and possibly find somewhere here because Kensi really doesn't want to move." Everything is at a standstill because her girlfriend doesn't want to move, so all the work and research we put in over the past year has to stop. All the years of her standing firm in her position, and it changed like the direction of the wind when that godforsaken girlfriend of hers opened her mouth a few months ago and cast a shadow of hesitation.
Our therapist asked me if it was because of the hostility between us now, and the answer is no. She was feeling this way before we had even exchanged words. That was when we were trying to get along and bond after her being around for years. I don't feel like our lives should have to stop or our daughter's education should have to be put on hold because she's hesitant. How is that supposed to make me feel? As the child's father, I don't even have a say in her education because part-time co-parent is on the fence about moving after being in the loop for a year and some change. Thus, our perceptions of family vary greatly. My wife thinks, "Well, she's part of the family, so we have to stop and consider her feelings." I think she's not, so there's a clash of opinions in motion. This is why I feel like my opinions don't matter and why I feel undermined. If she could downplay my feelings or views with the other situation, it stands to reason the same can happen this time, too.