Metamour. I hate that bloody word. I slept with her, and I can count the number of times one hand. It wasn't a continuous thing. Once that guilt was in motion, it came to a dead stop. It never happened again. The beauty of that is I told her why it must stop. It felt like cheating. Why continue doing something that makes you feel like shit?
My 180 is within reason. Each of us knows how we want to live and what we need to do in order to live that way. For most of you, monogamy is not part of that image. You might tried monogamy for however long, and you came to a crossroads or a point of no longer being able to deny who you were. Continue living and feeling like something was missing or talk to your spouse about opening your marriage. What would have happened if your spouse had not been accepting or on board with that idea? Would you have left, or would you have let them leave in order to pursuit your happiness?
I never lied to my wife or even to myself for that matter. I knew she was polyamorous. I knew that meant compromising, being understanding, being tolerant, and making sacrifices. I grew out of it. I grew tired of being so accommodating, always compromising, always making sacrifices, and always being understanding. In return, my concerns were ignored and my say was undermined. I guess none of that matters. I didn't try to change her, and she got to keep other relationship.
For me, polyamory is not part of my vision anymore. I lived with it for years, and then over time, I questioned whether I wanted to live contently with occasional bursts of happiness for the rest of my life, or did I want pure and true happiness? It reeks of settling. At some point, you get tired of only getting a fraction of someone you married. It got old. Especially as she started getting complacent and putting her other relationship before our marriage. Then, her other relationship and our marriage became a hybrid creation. It wasn't that I wasn't saying it. It wasn't heard. My wife didn't want to hear it because well she probably assumed that I would demand that she end her relationship. Presumptuousness in essence. I was tuned out because I wasn't saying the right thing. Those things included..."Yes, I want to continue being part of this poly family. Yes, I will accept your girlfriend." Maybe I should have jumped up and down on the furniture and screamed it, eh?
Initially, the good outweighed the bad, so I stuck it out. I had a wife and two children. I liked my life. It was good up until a certain point. Notice I didn't say loved. Was every moment of our lives filled with blissful joy, rainbows, and spinning around a campfire singing Kumbaya ? No. Come on now.
I've been dying to say this. This isn't in a hateful way, but I don't really give a damn if her girlfriend's life has to be restructured. That's her problem. I have enough to deal with in my marriage. Let alone an issue with her. She's a grown woman. She's not part of my family or any part of my future. The end.
I care about my kids well-being. I know if push came to shove, my wife would be alright. With or without me. She has someone else to fall back on, and well, she's an integral part of her life, so if I left, what difference would it make? She wouldn't have to deal with a husband who doesn't want to be part of any of this. She could find one who has no problem with it. You never want to do anything to hurt a loved one. I know that, and never would I ever do anything to intentionally hurt her or cause her pain.