I think that my biggest problem is that I'm confused about why he needs the attention of other women.
Could you please clarify if you are in a CLOSED, exclusive relationship with him or not?
Is he wanting to OPEN the relationship now and saying he NEEDS to?
I am changing duty stations soon to another country very soon and I'm concerned that without a true understanding of polyamory, I will become even more jealous and inadvertently push him away.
What could you need to stop feeling jealous? Could anything here help? esp page 5 and 6?
I don't want to force him into monogamy if it makes him unhappy or feel lacking in some way.
Is he saying he is unhappy in a monoship with you? He wants to be in a polyship?
If he wants to be with you in a polyship of some configuration (see open models
) and YOU do not want to be in a polyship? Do not be. Break up because of basic incompatible wants for the relationship shape. You both have the right to have your romances come in the shapes you enjoy. If they do not line up, they do not line up. Nobody's fault. That's what dating is for
-- to find those who are compatible.
But if he is happy in monoship with you and is happy to honor agreements to have no other lover but you... could you be allowing your jealousy to create mistrust in him? Rather than trusting HIS word and his behaviors toward you?
Has he done something for you to doubt his trustworthiness in his word and his actions? What makes it hard for you to trust him?
Nothing hurts like your partner NOT BELIEVING YOU when you have done nothing untrustworthy.