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Old 03-12-2013, 03:49 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,901
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You could put the brakes on this idea of this person you have never met in Real Life coming to live with you in your home with you asexual GF.

You seem to be expecting there to be a triad thing. Do they share your expection? No.

Your current GF is not keen on your Other. She also wants full claim on your heart and your time and attention. Sounds like maybe a 1A model for her?
The Other also wants your full time and attention. Willing to be involved with the GF -- like what? Does not state model.
You know do not want a primary-secondary thing. What DO you want?

What DO you guys each want for an open model? Is it compatible even? You do not sound like you have agreements on what open model relationship you will have.

You struggle to give two people your 100% time and attention. It is not possible to give. This is a limit of the Universe. Love may be infinite but you only get 24 hours in a day. YOU need time to do your own self care things. So you do not burn out.

You could be more careful of your own well being and healths -- mental health, emotional health, physical health, and spiritual health. You want to tack on the other dimensions of wellness? That's your financial health, environmental health, and social health.

How could bringing this new person into your home and your relationship impact your financial health? Your home environment health? Your social health with your polyshipping people? If things go kablooey, what's the price to pay in all those healths?

My mental health?
My emotional health?
My physical health?
My spiritual health?
My financial health?
My environmental health?
My social health?

You do not sound like you have taken that assessment yet.

Could hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. You do not sound like you are fully prepared if you have fears that are not resolved enough for you to be willing to take risk.

You do not sound like you are full prepared for pitfalls and how to handle it should they arise. Jealousy also seems to be a worry. You KNOW you are a very jealous person. So why do you enter into an open relationship (model yet to be determined) that will poke the bear much more than staying in a Closed model?

Could ask yourself some soul searching questions:
  • Are you staying with first GF because you wish to be with her, or are you staying with her because of habit?
  • Are you considering polyshipping because you really want to be polyshipping or because you do not want to break up with her?
  • Are you prepared to deal with your jealousy?

So my advice would be to put the brakes on any kind of living together and get fit for this first -- read, learn, get prepared better. Not just you, ALL of you. You do not polyship alone.

http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/do...documents.html
http://www.serolynne.com/polyamory.htm
http://www.morethantwo.com/
http://openingup.net/resources/free-...om-opening-up/

You all could choose "Open Fit, Compatible, and Strong" rather than choose "Open all Wonky" with a standard in place for HOW you agree to be together.

That may be hard to hear, but know I mean it kindly. I do wish for you to succeed in your endeavor!

Could just think on HOW you want to approach polyshipping with your people some more is all. Talk to them both. You are 22 -- that is a grown up in my book. But while a grown up, you have only had dating experience of the First GF.

Before launching right into the new cohabitating mission, all could take the time to prepare better and stack the odds toward success -- a harmonious polyship.

And before you do that, you could take the time to sit with yourself and assess what you want for your 20's decade romances.

Namaste,
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 03-12-2013 at 04:07 PM.
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