Well, there was a lot of initial "heat of the moment" stuff to get through. He did take a time out
to cool off and be with his thoughts and feelings. That left him in a different place in his willingness.
Originally Posted by Matt
I'm thinking entirely different now and searching for solutions that won't make everybody miserable in the end.
Now, that I have started the process of doing that, I can think of things that need to be addressed in therapy and find ways of communicating them the right way to my wife. I can't force her to be receptive or make any changes, but I can try to come up with ideas and solutions that aren't unilateral. That's the best that I can do from my end.
So me it seems that while he's still sorting things out for therapy he could be here in his wants, needs and limits:
- I cannot be in a triad.
- My wife and I have different ideas about how involved her GF could be in our marriage. My wife wants an "interdependent model" with her very involved in our parenting life, married life, etc.
- I want something more "separate but equal." I do not want to be married to her GF too -- in spirit or otherwise. I want time apart from GF and some boundaries more clearly drawn.
- I am willing to see a counselor.
- I am willing to talk about other options. The biggest driving force for me even trying to find a solution that would allow the family to stay together in a shape that meets most people's needs and respect their limits is the kids.
- If no solution could be found, I am willing to think about a divorce to remove myself from the equation. Even for the children, I cannot stay in a place that breeds more resentment or fighting or unhappiness.
I could be wrong in how I perceive that. It's been a lot to read and keep up with.
But I do hope they keep on moving it forward
though and if they need to air out in the thread during the process... go ahead. Air out. Do what you gotta do.
Hang in there -- Matt, FoL, and Snowflake. Whatever the outcome shape needs to be to bring each of you inner peace again, I keep hoping for that healing for all of you. Nobody deserves endless suffering.