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Old 03-12-2013, 03:09 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,967

I gotta go with Emm -- when things are broken is not the best time to Open. Open will magnify every crack there is.

If there is emotional distance between you NOW, adding more people to the mix to take up slots in your time management, when you already agree the kids hog up a bunch of time and there's 24 hrs in a day limit? I do not see what time you are making yet to spend with only each other to rebuild and reconnect.

I see the potential for even more disconnect.

She is not very willing at this point, and it is the too little too late, but there is a chance to reconnect after we see if the grass is greener kind of thing.
I cannot say I want to be my spouse's "Well, I shopped around. There's nothing better out there so I guess I have to make do with you."

You have Identified some of the problems... on your end anyway. Distracted, depressed, not as present in the marriage as you could have been in the past, etc.
If you are willing to work on those and BE HERE in the marriage, is she willing?

And have you talked about what happens if you choose to Open and bumps in the road are hit? How will those be solved?

I was happy with her, but felt I didn't get the intimacy I now know I really want. She always told me that I need to romance her for the entire day to get what I want, and lots of times I did that with no return on my investment. It made me stop doing that.
What is "intimacy" there? Sex? Physical intimacy? The heart share of emotional intimacy? Mental intimacy? Soul intimacy?

If you romance her all day as she requests, and you perceive there's "no return on your investment" because she thought you were sharing "emotional intimacy and heart share" and that happened already and you are after "sex and body intimacy" -- maybe there's communication problems to solve?

She did many times, and she was always tending to our relationship, but I feel that I was not, and I partially think that I just don't know how to do that, not that it supposed to come naturally.
Did you ask for what behaviors she wants you to do/not do? Do you fail to do them or she fails to delineate them or wants you to be a mind reader?

What interpersonal skills do you think you are lacking?

I did put the kids ahead of the wife, but I never forgot about her. Except for the major events in our life, like her birthdays, and anniversaries. (being honest - I always was at a loss when it came time to plan or do things for those occasions)
If at a loss... could not ask her what she would like? Is it that she wants to be surprised? Could she put 3 things on her amazon list and tell you to surprise her with one of the things? Do you both know each other's love languages? Because if you are a "touch" person and need lots of touching and she's a "gifts" person -- could try to treat the other the way they respond to best.

Platinum rule -- could attempt to treat the other guy they way THEY want to be treated. Not golden rule. That's treating people how you like to be treated. That only happens to work if both of you happen to like the same things.

Just some thoughts. Not sure if it could help any. Hang in there!


Last edited by GalaGirl; 03-12-2013 at 03:14 PM.
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