I hear you. I still care about my wife's feelings, but I can't live my life to suit her needs anymore. I have to live for me. Do I love her? That's up for debate. That love is hidden right now. If I tell her I love her, it would be a formality. Coming out of my mouth but not from my heart.
As far as Snowflake, I can't really acknowledge how she feels. She's not in my thoughts at all. I only acknowledge her when something pertaining to her comes up or when somebody mentions her. That lasts all of a few minutes. Then she goes back that nonexistent place in my thoughts. Give me some more time and the chance for a glimpse of compassion to rear its head. Then, maybe I might feel something. I don't resent her. In order to resent her, that would require her to actually be a part of my thoughts outside of this situation.
I understand what love means. Part of loving someone means knowing when to let go, too.