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Old 03-12-2013, 01:26 PM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 431
Default Matt, forget what everyone here says

These aren't the people you need to be talking to, if they aren't your wife or her girlfriend who gives a fuck about what they say.

But seriously, ugly divorces never do any families any good, not ever. Regardless of whether or not you stay together, you have children together. The topics that led you to where you are, are some of the hardest topics to talk about, it sucks that you had to vent here, but you did finally speak up, and while it would have been better to figure out a way to be more assertive earlier, that didn't happen.

Give yourself some credit, you obviously care about your wife, you obviously felt too uncomfortable to hurt her lovers feelings by being honest, so before all this went down you did at one point care about her feelings.

You have to realize what it's like to be close friends with someone, spending as much time as she did with you guys, to suddenly be told that you really didn't want her around, is some serious shit to deal with. That whole time you didn't speak up, and all that frustration that has slowly built up with you, was unleashed all at once. It really does a number on a person's psyche to think back over all the time she thought you genuinely enjoyed her company, but she was oblivious. Not picking up on it at the time, makes you question everything you thought you knew, it makes you suspicious of everyone's intentions and what they may be hiding. It makes life a living hell.

I know you have had enough of it, the frustration you have felt for so long, the never feeling like you could ever get a moment to yourself with your family, was also a living hell

let yourself deal with all that you haven't dealt with, and then make decisions. This forum probably isn't the best place to find support, but for God's sake do NOT let things people comment here cause you to lash out, and posture for an ugly divorce

Please remember that you love your wife, or at least there was a time when you did. And so when you love someone, and you honestly understand what it means to Love someone, you will not be able to follow through with anything to hurt that person in anyway, no matter what they do, no matter if they totally screwed you over, because that's what Love is, the people who can follow through and actually do something to harm another, even emotionally, they don't really understand what means to love.

And you do understand what Love means

And it hurts, it hurts bad, and from what I have read nobody has intentionally or maliciously screwed anybody over. Especially not your wife, it sounds like she fell in love, due to a situation that you took part in with full knowledge.

I know it feels like her girlfriend is trying to hurt you, it honestly doesn't sound like she is just trying to spite you. I don't want to trash talk you and add fuel to fire, but it sounds like you and her girlfriend really do understand what it means to love someone, and because you both really do love your wife, you won't hurt each other.

And you will both realize what that means, to be honest and not do anything to hurt a person you don't love, because you both understand what it means to have ever truly loved someone. I am sorry you have found yourself in the position to really test your understanding of love, but you do know what it means. And so does her girlfriend.

So regardless of whether your marriage actually gets stronger for this, or you get a divorce, you all know love well enough to surrender

because I promise you even if you are the only one to surrender, it will turn out better no matter what happens. And if two of you surrender, the pain will not feel unbearable, regardless of whether or not you salvage your marriage

If all three of you surrender, I promise you, you will all recognize who you are, and where you live

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 03-12-2013 at 01:38 PM. Reason: typos
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