I hear, Matt, that you felt pressured almost from the get-go, to be a part of this V. First couple years, NRE, swept off your feet, new gf could do no wrong because you were hot for her. But after that, you felt pressured to be a "nice guy" and accept Si in your lives... "in your marriage."
I even read FoL to say she's been "encouraging" you all along to get with Si sexually and romantically, to make your V into a full triad. After so many years, a few months ago, you gave this a go. Somehow when that didn't work out, you did the 180 and are now completely disgusted with Si (and your resentment of FoL has come fully to your consciousness as well).
Some people feel disgusted with a sex partner after the orgasm. This is like a post orgasmic disgust writ large and mega.
I am glad to see you write you'll try everything from A-Y to create a new dynamic with these women. However, you seem to be clinging to the divorce life raft quite firmly... the ultimate threat! You feel your true power lies in your ability to abandon both women and let the chips fall where they may for your young children. This idea of filing for divorce instead of focusing on less drastic measures gives you some comfort. It's early days, you're out for revenge. Perhaps more time and calmer negotiations will eventually ensue.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags, F, 60, poly-dating, loving and living with
miss pixi, F, 38
Punk, 41, M
Old Friend, gender fluid
Nick, 35, M (occasional lover)
Hippie, 25 (?)
Dark Wing, 45 (?)