Well, after a somewhat productive counselling session last night, it all went to hell in a handbasket around 11:00pm. First, a little background. Last week W asked if she could go to an "event" in Charlotte with her guy (I'm going to start calling him B) and a couple that is "friends of his". I asked her what type of event, and she wouldn't elaborate. I initially tell her I'm OK with this, but I'm curious as to what type of event.
So last night I text B and ask him what type of event they're planning to go to, and he tells me it's a type of fetish event, pretty much like a kink convention. I ask him about this couple that they're planning to go with, and he is evasive and just refers me back to W. Hmmmm...
So apparently B texts W and lets her know I'm asking about the event. W comes into our bedroom (I'm already lying down for the night), and tells me the couple they're planning on going with is K & L. I am incredulous. A little background on K & L. Back when we were just swinging, we began to swing a little with them. L was a friend of W's from her work, and we used to hang out with K & L as friends before we decided to try to swing. Our first attempt was awkward, our second attempt it was even more awkward. I later find out that L does not like me, but is OK having threesomes with her hubby and W. She says some unkind things about me. I find out later that W is actually planning on going through with these threesomes against my wishes. We withdraw from them, although W and L remain vanilla friends but we don't socialize as couples anymore, for obvious reasons.
I tell her that going to this sexually-charged fetish event with B and with K & L is totally unacceptable to me. It is a slap in the face that she would want to attend such an event with them after all that happened, and that if she carries through with this plan, I am ending our open marriage. She basically tells me that she is NOT going to cancel her plans on this issue, so I say that this polyamory is over, and I'm going to call B and let him know. She seems resigned to this happening, and starts talking about a bunch of divorce scenarios. A few times she makes the somewhat weak argument that if her going to this event with her friends is more important than our marriage, then so be it. She totally doesn't get it. This morning before she goes to work she makes another impassioned argument that "I can't tell her who she can be friends with, and she and B can do what they want to do". I tell her she can indeed do what she wants, but so can I, and if they do this in total disregard of my feelings, then I'm withdrawing my permission for this open marriage.
So that's where we stand.