"I am confused. Are you and wife still wanting to be lovers, or moving it over to companionate love and letting go of being lovers? Be more like married parenting friends?
Lover needs which would now be met by other people in an open marriage only? Or you are lovers AND have other lovers? "
I guess we are in two different places, with me still wanting to be lovers, but exploring out there to find out if I do truely love her or is there someone out there that makes that love come "naturally" from me. She wants to put on hold our intimate relationship and explore this other dude to see if this is the same way.
"And is she still willing to receive these behaviors from you or not interested any more? Like too little too late? Better to friend zone it?"
She is not very willing at this point, and it is the too little too late, but there is a chance to reconnect after we see if the grass is greener kind of thing.
"So when you tapered off... did she call you into account? Was she holding her end of the stick in tending to the marriage or expecting you to carry it all? "
She did many times, and she was always tending to our relationship, but I feel that I was not, and I partially think that I just don't know how to do that, not that it supposed to come naturally.
"You were not happy with the wife?
You put the kids ahead of the wife instead of the wife ahead of the kids?
You were depressed? Distracted? Took her for granted?
I was happy with her, but felt I didn't get the intimacy I now know I really want. She always told me that I need to romance her for the entire day to get what I want, and lots of times I did that with no return on my investment. It made me stop doing that.
I did put the kids ahead of the wife, but I never forgot about her. Except for the major events in our life, like her birthdays, and anniversaries. (being honest - I always was at a loss when it came time to plan or do things for those occasions)
Depressed? Distracted? Took her for granted?
Yes, Yes, and Yes. And now I am regretting that in myself for doing that.
Thanks for all the input and support.