Welcome to our forum.
It sounds like you accept polyamory on an intellectual level, but sometimes not so much on an emotional level. Emotions aren't always logical, so that is understandable. Some emotions come and go; some ease down over time.
Polyamory.com is a good place to learn and reflect. Have a look at some of our threads and see what calls to you. Post any questions you may have.
It's good to have you aboard.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"