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Old 03-11-2013, 04:58 PM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 440
Default Hopes, expectations and anxieties, oh my!

Originally Posted by hyperskeptic View Post
2. I wrote to the woman on whom I have had a crush, asking her to lunch once again. I asked her a couple of weeks ago, and received no reply.

I was assuming that she was rejecting me, that she was creeped out by my attention, that she wasn't interested even in friendship with me.

That's nonsense, of course. In the spirit of skepticism, I should assume no such thing.

So, I added a post-script to my note, today, which I quote here verbatim:
P.S. Please let me know if my asking again is annoying to you. The last thing I want is to be a nuisance. Be blunt, if you need to be.
It's not very good, perhaps, but at least I've made an opening for her to be direct, if she's so inclined.

I hope she'll respond to the prompt, one way or the other. If she tells me to stop asking her, I may be a little disappointed, but at least I can act based on knowledge rather than ignorance or assumptions.

I haven't heard back from her, yet. If I don't hear from her, I might just have to go ahead and make an assumption about what her response to my post-script would have been . . .
There was a delay in her response, as there sometimes is, and I was starting to assume I knew the answer to my postscript.

My assumption exploded, as assumptions sometimes do, when I received a note from her, this morning. She said, very simply, that it's not at all a bother, but that it has been hard for her to make and keep lunch arrangements with people, because of the dynamics of her workplace.

She suggested we meet for lunch - a brown-bag urban picnic, especially if the weather continues to springify - next Monday.

I'm trying to pay more careful attention to my responses. I do think my crush on her as cooled a bit, but my response to her, and to the thought of her, is still unsettled, with hopes and expectations and cautions and anxieties rumbling around every which way.

I'm trying to hold on to the simple fact that I like her and admire her for the person she is, and that I enjoy spending time getting to know her. The rest can just remain unsettled . . . and entirely hypothetical.

It will be an exercise in consciously managing my own expectations, staying open without assuming or presuming much of anything.
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