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Old 01-07-2010, 06:22 PM
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Ravenesque Ravenesque is offline
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Location: New York
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Originally Posted by constlady View Post
But somehow, because I choose to identify my relationship style as a thing that isn't necessarily the same as my sexuality, it is believed that I must be "sex negative."

Because I happen to believe that who I fuck isn't as important as who I love (though for me, as I suspect it is for many others, they often go hand in hand), because I don't want my lovestyle to be perceived as being solely based on the number of sexual partners I may have at any one time - since that is not how I define my relationship style - because I feel the need to differentiate the form of polyamory that I practice from the ones who prefer the combination of emotional monogamy and physical non-monogamy, I am oppressing an entire group of people who don't choose to live their lives in the same way as I choose to live mine.

Nothing could be further from the truth.
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
Constlady, I'm confused. Where have you been accused of being sex negative?
I would have to ask this question as well with a few others. Where was it said that you were sex-negative for not identifying your relationship as identical to your sexuality? No one stated that differentiating the form of polyamory which you practice from "the combination of emotional monogamy and physical non-monogamy" was oppressing others. Where is this impression derived from?

What was discussed was the ability to have different forms of polyamory. The acknowledgment that those different forms exist and can indeed be called polyamorous by those who wish to identify as such. Seeking to strip relationships and polyamorous people of the term because the manner which they practice polyamory is not the manner you practice polyamory or even the manner you sanction as "true" polyamory is seeking to confine others to your perspective of polyamory. Polyamory encompasses many different relationship forms and dynamics. How others love varies. What others identify as love varies.

The barest form of polyamory is "many loves." Not "many loves Jack's way" or "many loves Sheila's way."

If someone doesn't want to identify as polyamorous that is fine even if their relationships resemble polyamory to others. The same goes for if they do wish to identify as polyamorous and it doesn't resemble polyamory. Others do not validate that person, not unless that person wishes to be validated in that way. That's a whole other list of issues.

Seeking to remove polyamorous relationships from being identified as polyamorous in the context of attaining polyamory rights is oppressive. It then becomes an effort to remove some polyamorous individuals from obtaining those rights should they be granted. The fear that others may mistake one version of polyamory for another is remedied by stating people have different poly styles. It is another matter to narrow the concept of polyamory because of that fear or in response to those with a negative view of sex as this will of course have an effect on those who have a positive view of sex and acknowledge such openly.

The distinction is being drawn between relationships which have one type of sexual element (or none) and relationships which have another type of sexual element (perhaps more). It seems to fall along the lines of individuals who feel polyamory can encompass a broad variety of relationship dynamics and people, and individuals who feel polyamory can encompass a broad variety of relationship dynamics and people except those dynamics and those people.

Are you a polyamorist or non-monogamous individual between the ages 18-35? Are you located in New York State or the Northeast?
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