I think that we have done really good for the most part, and I do love her, so my ideal relationship is what I've had. This baby thing was thrown a real spanner into the works though, and has made me realise that I need to know when to let a good thing go!
Have I had to settle over and over? Well she is the one that had the affair, she is the one that wanted to open things up, she is the one that fell in love with someone else, she is the one that initially pushed me away and allowed him to be her main lover, and she is the one that had his child, although that was not deliberate! However I'm not gonna pretend that I've been some kind of victim in all this, that would just be a whole bunch of bullshit. I've had a ball, a great time, and I was able to do that because she was the one that did all of the above. There was no bitterness until now!
It sounded to me that you've had to settle along the way too and to me that would never be the case in the imagined ideal. So are you saying your next relationship will be a poly dynamic with you as a secondary but with you having biological children ?
Who's names are on the birth certificates ? Does Harry use your name.
I'd get the paternity documented and consult with an attorney you could be on the hook for child support.