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Old 01-07-2010, 04:45 PM
constlady constlady is offline
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 63

Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
Constlady, I'm confused. Where have you been accused of being sex negative?
I didn't say I was "accused" of anything, simply that it seems some others hold a belief about me (the general "me as a member of a group of people who expressed similar views") that doesn't fit with my belief about myself (the specific "me as an individual human being".)

Actually, I found that an interesting choice of words, since to me an accusation tends to be inherently negative in connotation.
Therefore to accuse someone of being sex negative indicates the person using the word feels that being sex negative is not a positive thing.
To accuse someone of being sex positive would indicate that the person using the word feels that being sex positive is not a positive thing. (Wow, that is an awkward phrasing, sorry I couldn't figure out how to state it differently!)
Either way, the conversation begins with an undertone of negativity that can cloud further discussion.

If we are to attempt conversation from a non-judgmental framework, that might be a word to avoid.

I did a quick search in this forum for "sex negative" in an attempt to find examples of the posts that led me to feeling the way I do, but there were 58 multiple page threads returned and I simply don't have the time or energy to cull through them all at the moment.

The basic synopsis for me is: When some people expressed their opinions on their definition of polyamory being skewed more towards love than towards sexual involvement, some responses indicated that meant those people must believe that "sex is dirty" and that they should stop perpetuating prejudices against those who define polyamory in a more sexual way.
That felt like an enormous leap to me and one which does not accurately define who I am as a person, even though I do share the same skew in my definition. Being love positive doesn't automatically mean I'm not sex positive as well.

Given that other posters on this thread responded that they too felt the same way, I'm fairly comfortable that my reaction isn't based on a personal bias.

My intent here is not to devolve this conversation into an argument over specific words or intents but rather I hoped to share with others that the labeling of some as sex negative was just as disconcerting to them as others may have felt being labeled as "not really poly" was.
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