Thanks so much for your thoughts on my situation, I really appreciate the time it took for you both to provide insight! I hope I can fill in some of the missing pieces.
@LearningTN- Jason feels he would be the looser if they made me choose between them both for a single relationship. We all agree that this isn't something we want forever and they have both expressed to me a V relationship is out of the question if they decided it couldn't work between them.
@FullofLove- Wine has been great through this!
Ray and Jason have spent some time together recently which I think is helping the situation and Jason has expressed to Ray that he isn't sure this is what he wants and has expressed that he loves Ray but he feels a stronger connection or love for me than him. (I'm not sure if it would help to make things easier to understand, but we're all males)
I can see myself marrying Jason, and I used to be able to see that with Ray, but things have changed and I don't have that clear image anymore at this point. I'm not sure if Jason wants the same thing, but when I told him that I could see myself marrying him he told me it made him very happy. Ray said he was going to propose to me before but never did, and a part of me is relieved he didn't because I felt I would have said no. He's recently said he can't really see himself marrying me either anymore, but could see himself marrying Jason, so I'm not sure if it's because we're in a triad and focusing on our new boyfriend Jason, or if things have just changed so much between us that marriage isn't a possibility for us anymore.
I never really saw myself as poly and in my past relationships the thought of having threesomes or sharing my partner scared me. During my relationship with Ray things shifted, and he expressed interest for threesomes because I wasn't able to meet his needs sexually, so we had a few during our relationship and then met Jason. I didn't want a relationship with Jason and certainly didn't want to have sex with him when we started hanging out, I wanted friendship. Well things happened, we had sex, and now we're boyfriends and in love. I don't think I'd want another triad and I like the thought of a V, which thanks for explaining that so perfectly, but both have said if we aren't all together then I'd have to choose. I really hate the idea of choosing and it makes me sick that it could be a possibility eventually.
I'm not sure if my relationship with Ray should end or if it's worth the fight. I sometimes feel that if we were really meant to be together, just us, we wouldn't have looked outside of our relationship for something else or someone else. I don't regret it though because it brought Jason in our lives and he makes me happy.
Just some extra thoughts but please if I can provide any additional information just ask.