Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
but when someone's at the point you're at, when their partnership isn't what they thought it was, maybe never was, when they're feeling hurt, belittled, unhappy all the time, and not just for a brief bumpy period or around something that can be resolved with some hard conversations and compromise, but in an ongoing sustained way and around fundamental core values... well, I think splitting up is a very valid option to consider.
I agree it's important to be willing to step away when it's clearly not viable.
But, at what point is that?
Because frankly, it took 3 years of HELL before we found our stability in our poly dynamic and that was after a number of years of ridiculous drama brought on by ex's, custody battles and me trying to be mono when I'm not.
Now-we've finally found that place we knew all along could exist.
So, I find it a struggle when people suggest that something is clearly impossible-because it's been difficult for a couple of years.
It's more useful to me to consider-
what steps have been considered?
what efforts made on each person's part?
Are both people still working towards something more sustainable?
Are you on the right road-but just not "there" yet or are you on a completely different road?
What has helped?
What is hindering progress?
What is the next step?
Whose going to take it?
When does it start?
What is the 1 month goal?
Then you can at least begin to identify if it is pointless or no.