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Old 03-09-2013, 05:57 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,856

Originally Posted by hyperskeptic View Post
That Vix goes to Europe to travel with Doc is a fact widely - but quietly - known in our local community.
Friends have asked Vix about this, and she has told them outright that she and Doc sometimes travel together and participate together in this particular activity.

Meanwhile, other friends, whom Vix has likely not told directly of her travels, may have caught wind of it. At one gathering, someone started talking about Europe and mentioned Doc by name. He turned to me, with a somewhat cautious look, and asked, "Do you know [Doc]?"

He was distinctly uncomfortable asking. I was equally uncomfortable in replying. I said something mildly evasive - "Not well, but yes," or something like that - and moved on.

It was an awkward moment.

That's not the first time people have (pointedly?) brought up Doc in my presence, and I have wondered what they know, or what they suspect, and what, if anything, I should do about it.
Sometimes I'm comfortable enough with having her travel with Doc, sometimes I'm rather less comfortable.
I think I need to decide on a policy. Vix has chosen to be open, but only to a point. She tells more trustworthy (or at least unavoidable) individuals that she occasionally travels with Doc to attend events; that she needs to be away from Atlanta in order to breathe, and Doc has a house in Germany that is too big for him and otherwise empty; and that they enjoy one another's company. As far as she's concerned, that's all anyone really needs to know.

I wonder if I should take the same line, just brazen it out, and let people think what they will.

It doesn't sit well with me to be too evasive, too indirect - I've sometimes coyly referred to Vix's "breathing holidays" - just as it may not be advisable to be too open or too, um, specific regarding, say, sleeping arrangements when Vix and Doc travel together.

(They sleep together in the same bed, and sometimes have sex.)
To me it sounds like your feeling "awkward" in certain circumstances ties in with how you are feeling about the Vix/Doc travel at the time.

In my world we are not "out" but that doesn't mean that Dude is a secret or we act like he doesn't exist. So, the situations that could be "awkward" if we acted guilty or like there was something wrong are NOT awkward because WE aren't embarrassed by them.

So, for instance, if Dude and I are out together and we run into someone that MrS and I know: "Oh, hi, Sam. How are you? I don't know that you've met my friend Dude...we just had lunch at the restaurant you suggested the other day. MrS is home working on that project he was telling you about last week, it's going really well. I'll let him know that you said Hi."

And leave it at that...if they choose to go home and speculate as to what is really going on, that is their problem.

If Sam runs into MrS a few days later: "That project turned out really well. Jane said she saw you last week when she and Dude were out to lunch, they said they really liked that restaurant you suggested."

Any more than that is nobody else's damn business.

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 03-09-2013 at 06:21 PM.
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