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Old 06-12-2009, 07:23 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by JRiverMartin View Post

Is a lover anyone with whom any of us have a sexual relationship, or is it anyone with whom we have a loving relationship? Very vague word, that. But it needn't be, because it has the word love in it rather prominently (however you spell that, i'm too lazy at the moment to look it up). You seem to call anyone you have a sexual relationship with a "lover". But maybe you ought not to, since they are not all in your very tight-knit "circle of love", as I call anyone with whom I have a loverly relationship.

For me, generally, my "lovers" are those with whom I'm also being physically or sexually intimate. But i have room for exceptions, I suppose. I have a friend I've never met in person(!), who lives far, far away, that I love profoundly, and with whom I'm intensely intimate (on-line). He loves me, too, similarly, I think--I almost know. I have other friends not too far different in levels of intimacy and involvement in one another's lives. I'm simply not sure what a "lover" is, in a number of respects. Sex is so far from being the deciding factor. But this is all language talk. Terms mean what we mean them to mean, I suppose.

What matters is the love. Do you love your friends with whom you're also occasionally sharing a bed? If not, why are you sharing a bed? These are just questions. More words. What matters, I suppose, are the questions.
lovers is a tricky word. I have a friend who considers all her peeps her sweethearts... I am so not into that term. LOL. ha. Doesn't fit my personality at all. I would say I love my friends yes... or am getting to love them. Mono thinks I could be just a booty call and doesn't like that prospect so I have backed away from some circumstances to see where the friendship goes for awhile. If there is a friendship to fall on then my love for them will certainly be deeper, but then does that make our relationship poly? I wouldn't want a boyfriend/girlfriend thing going on with anyone but Mono, just a close friendship with benefits (with those I have backed away from for now, no one else at the moment). I came from a childhood of being intimate with friends and now that I have discovered that it is possible to be that way as an adult I find it only natural to just do it rather than label it, but for some reason, as an adult, because it is an adult thing to do, I have a need to label... hmmmm,,, sucks.

Last edited by redpepper; 06-12-2009 at 02:36 PM.
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