@Galagirl...... What my wife & I have is more than compassionate friendly love, although at times I have questioned that. We were still being intimate with each other before I left, although Alex has been the dominant sexual partner for some time.I do believe that she does love me though, why else would she be crying down the phone, asking me to go back. She could easily just be with Alex, there is nothing to prevent it, but she says that she does not want that.
I believe she loves us both, but him more than me. She has no problem with me seeing others, but she would have a huge problem if he did the same. The one time he did, she was distraught!
I do love her, but I need to let her go now, not just for me, but for them as you suggest. Tough love! I think that she can cope without my love, but not without his. This thing with her wanting another child by him, and breaking her promise too have one by me has brought the situation to a head. We can't go forward because of it!
Time to let go!