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Old 03-08-2013, 07:47 PM
CherryBlossomGirl CherryBlossomGirl is offline
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 212
Default The Right to be Imperfect, The Right to Change

Here's my two cents. Some communication can be hard. Really hard. There are so many things that factor into our ability to feel strong and brave about communicating our feelings, and so many little things that can skew our perspectives to make it even harder to communicate. Family patterns, insecurities, misguided attempts to be brave, etc. etc. etc. It always makes me shake my head when I see such blatant judgements and projections; to me this forum is for sharing, growing and learning, not condemning people for their shortcomings as human beings!

I think it's pretty harsh to blame Matt for not being able to communicate his feelings to Si. None of us know either of these people, and projecting our own experiences all over him has made him leave his own thread and stop sharing his experience. I feel badly about that.

To me, responsibility falls on EVERYONE, not just Matt. It falls on Si for not ever asking, "Do you two need time alone?" Or checking in to see what was happening for Matt - "How are you feeling about us these days? Is there anything that you need from me?" Where is her self development - time with friends, pursuing interests and hobby, time with self, etc? Why is a full grown adult always at someone else's house and not developing a life of their own too? FullofLove knew that her husband was struggling, but didn't sit Si down and say, "I'm really feeling that Matt needs some time to connect with me right now, and I'd like to start creating some space for that to happen at our home. How can we create some nights for just him and our children to be together without it making you feel excluded?" It all seems to have been shifted to Matt's responsibility; he was the one with issues, so it's all his responsibility? In a respectful partnership, I would think not! I would think that ALL parties should be checking in with each other, giving each other space and time to pursue other interests and relationships, and safe space to express their feelings.

So I call bullshit on pointing the finger at Matt. It frustrates me to no end when people's judgements end up silencing a member on this forum; you want to preach about respect and good communication? Then please be sure that you're giving the people that you're telling that to the same respect and communication skills you're talking about.
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