Originally Posted by dingedheart
Also I actually remember you writing threads or comments in which you were happy and enjoying your new GF Nix ....many non miserable posts.
Nyx broke up with me back in August, just as Vix was starting to travel more and for longer stretches. My posts since then have been intermittent, but consistently pretty miserable . . .
Vix points out, as patiently as she can, that it is hardly a coincidence that my misery started just then.
When I face up to it, I realize how hard it was to lose my relationship with Nyx, for all that I think she had very good reasons for breaking up with me.
Something clicked, though, two days ago, in response to what turns out to be a minor disagreement over travel plans and children. I went through what Vix calls a "thought dump," a process as painful, as disgusting and ultimately as beneficial as lancing a boil.
I'd like to apologize again for inflicting that particular thought dump on this forum.
The fallout has been that the issue with Vix has been more than resolved, I've regained my equilibrium regarding her practicing polyamory, and I've started a new blog thread to explore more carefully and constructively and creatively my own possible practice of polyamory.
In that new blog thread, I have resolved to adhere to the highest standards of non-miserableness.
The point is that something has, very suddenly, turned around in my brain, and I can see possibilities where before I only saw problems and limitations. I can see the strength of my partnership with Vix where before I only saw the (actually very small) disagreements, points of divergence, and unavoidable irritations of living with someone who will continue to insist on being not me.
(That last bit was a joke, in case it didn't come across in text.)
As it happens, Vix and I took the time to spend a marvelous early afternoon in bed together while the girls were off in school. The effect of that is mainly that it will be difficult to focus on those essays that still need to be graded . . .