Right! For me, it's almost a programmed response. "It's nothing. I'm fine. Can we talk about something else?" They know "fine" is the keyword that truly means nothing is fine. Shut down mode happens immediately, and it's a calming mechanism. They understand that in my lingo that means, "Now is not the time, but when she wants to talk about about it, I'll be ready." Even at 3 in the morning. I have a habit of isolating myself when something ticks me off. When I emerge, I just offer up information without questions being posed. They're usually burning questions, so I take out the guess work. I had to isolate myself yesterday and meditate. After I finished, I was able to express what was wrong.
Matt just says, "Later," and later could mean anytime. It's never clear. It's like it doesn't bother him immediately or even in that moment, but after he thinks about it for awhile, it hits him. It's like when somebody says something that takes you aback, and it's just incredulous. You look at them squarely, and it doesn't register right off the bat. After it has set in and processed, THEN you respond. That's my hubby.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.