Originally Posted by BoringGuy
Then could you explain it so that *I* "get what you're saying"? He doesn't want to "share your heart" with your GF? How does that supposed to work? You are supposed to not feel things in your heart for your girlfriend because someone else is "tired of sharing you"? My whole point is that it's not up to HIM, it's up to YOU who you share your heart with. Just because it isn't a physical "ownership", doesn't make it any less of an "ownership" issue. Maybe Matt "assumed" that this girlfriend was "just a phase" and that you'd "grow out of it" and now that you have kids you should be "getting serious", oh but wait - now the kids are looking upon Kensi as a THIRD PARENT. OMG, this isn't going the way I wanted it to. K should be getting LESS involved now that we're a "family", not MORE involved... No way is SHE crow-barring her way into THIS. Maybe she'll get tired of babysitting and leave... she can find other friends to hang out with... oh no. she's staying for dinner. shit. that back-fired. Maybe if I pout and shuffle my feet uncomfortably she'll get the hint. OK, she's sleeping over again. Not cool, but I'll just step up the passive-aggressive behaviours a notch NEXT time... Aaaaaand next time comes... etc.
Don't get me wrong - it's your life and if you feel that you are able to handle it this way, fine by me. I'm just thinking it will take more than holy water to fix this one.
I have to maintain sanity some type of way. Nothing is going to fix this overnight or ever. Right now, they can't even be in the same room. Imagine how that makes me feel. I'm in the middle of two feuding parties. Counseling is going to help some, but if they're not willing to even partake in joint sessions. Who is that helping? Somebody has to be the sane and calm one.
I get what you're saying. I don't get the vibe of ownership issues. That's not how it feels. If that was the case, wouldn't it be like saying, "I own you for 99 years or x amount of time," like a leasehold property? Sharing in regards to everything. Feeling like he's only getting a fraction of me whereas I presumably have most or all of him. In Matt's mind, it's not balanced. He doesn't understand the whole argument of, "Sometimes in poly, it's not like the heart is being rationed off. It expands to accommodate." Remember his attempt at poly failed, as that accommodation and expansion didn't occur. This argument has fallen on deaf ears.
Since he tried poly and was able to reaffirm that he's mono, it stands to reason that he's had moments of clarity and he's projecting his realizations on to me. In his mind, only loving one person is normal, so guess what that means? How I live isn't normal to him and it's a foreign concept. I understand what you're saying about being P.A. I don't know how to explain that. I don't have the answers to anything. This is a discovery process.