Let me clear up a couple of things. Our kids consider Si a third parent. The oldest acknowledges her as such. The youngest is too young to care. As long as he's being fed, changed, and someone's playing with him, he's good to go. Si offered to watch them if it was needed. It wasn't forced or even asked of her. We offered to pay her, and it was turned down. She thinks of them as her own kids, so getting paid to watch your own kids...probably not the norm. IDK how other people do it, but personally, I don't want to be paid to watch my kids. It wasn't for some extended amount of time or always. Every so often if we were caught in rush hour traffic or if something happened and the nanny became ill. Basically filling in. Not watching them for 10-12 hours and being uncompensated. At best, an hour or so. Just until one of us could get there.
Yes, it takes three to tango. We all know we played a part of things popping off the way they did. Could've, should've, would've and didn't. The end. Move forward. Let it go. We can't live in the past or worry about what happened then. We have to live right in this moment and figure out how to exist amongst each other. I don't foresee any type of friendship between Matt and Si again. It's just not happening. Matt's been clear. From 9-5 or whatever schedule is being worked, he'll be professional and keep the issues off the job, but after that, no contact or communication. If he wants to act like she doesn't exist, I don't have mind control to prevent those thoughts. If that's what it takes to help him sleep at night, I respect that.
Years ago, we agreed to no cohabitation. That was long before the triad had formed or before the thought was even born. We did a sort of re-evaluation/checkpoint and agreed to try it with the understanding that if it didn't work, no hard feelings would be had and we could move on and learn. It didn't pan out. No hard feelings. Moved on and became water under the bridge. That's all that was.
Yes, there were probably issues that had not been vocalized at that point. That's what happens when you keep everything inside. You just explode and you make people listen. It's like a tornado. Does it stop to see what's in the path, or does it continue until the destruction is done and it breaks apart?
Where we are now: the issues are out and some of them will be worked out. Others? Not a chance. It's too much of a stretch to even expect them to be cordial or polite towards each other. It's easy to keep your feelings and emotions out of business, though. It's reminiscent of having coworkers that know nothing about your personal life. They see you every day, but they don't know about what you do after you leave. That's Matt's stance right now and possibly forever.