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Old 03-08-2013, 06:18 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Quote:
What I really need is some guidance, in the way of how to deal with such a transition of mind set. How to learn to cope, understand and then eventually get rid of the jealousy that comes along with this lifestyle.
Ok. Thanks for clarfying. How about this...

Changing Core Beliefs:
http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/wr...lsebeliefs.htm

Self Respect Vs Self esteem
http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/selfrespect.htm

Jealousy Management

http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/im...ed_10-6-10.pdf
http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/P.../jealousy.html
http://www.morethantwo.com/jealousy-insecurity.html
http://www.serolynne.com/poly_jealousy.htm

Esp the first one with page 5 and 6 things you and your BF could do.

And don't forget to avoid pitfalls:

http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/im..._Polyamory.pdf

But keep in mind if you are going against fundamental grain here within yourself -- if you try again, test your core beliefs/values and continue to find you are just not cut out for it and just do not want to be living in polyship because you value monoshipping (neither is wrong), you are prepared to accept you and BF have different core values WHEN? Could mark a date. This cannot be the endless experiment!

You sound like you could be at the place of

"I have already tried for THIS long. First experiment results are found unsatisfactory. Unsure if I am still willing to keep on going for more if results are more of same. Also unwilling to face breaking up emotions and face loss and grief transitioning emotions in order to open self to new possibilites in romance department.

Willing read and research to help me determine if I want to try it on one more time with changes in my emotional management and see if I can cope better for _______ amount of time. If at the end of that time I am not feeling better, then I will _______. "

Is that where it is now? How would you fill in the blanks?

Because if it just isn't a runner in the end it isn't a runner in the end. When's the end of your dating experiment? You can't go on forever here in unhappy land.

How much time is a reasonable, rational amount of time for you to be in the "I'm finding out" place before the return is no longer worth the investment?

Those are things you could consider too as you soul search and make the reasonable, rational plan here that serves your self respect and long term health and well being. I hope things go well for you as you learn to better define and meet your own values, beliefs, wants, needs, and personal limits.
GL!
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 03-08-2013 at 06:28 AM.
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