I know for certain I do not want to end things with him, he is the best thing to have happened to me so far. The problem I have is this feeling that I keep getting, but also this internal conflict. Although I have always believed in true love, I also did not believe it. I used to think that love did not exist. In the way that my parents are not together, my best friends parents do nothing but fight all the time, and my other friends parents who are still together show no emotion what so ever, no love, no communication, just a shared home and kids. And to me that is not love. I very rarely see a monogamous couple work in real life. So to me perhaps, polyamory is a smart decision because it allows love to exist in a newer, healthier way. It is not however what I hoped and dreamed for. So to me I am forced to face emotion vs. logic.
What I really need is some guidance, in the way of how to deal with such a transition of mind set. How to learn to cope, understand and then eventually get rid of the jealousy that comes along with this lifestyle.