View Single Post
Old 03-08-2013, 02:27 AM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 438
Default "Do you know Doc?"

Here's something I need to think about, a puzzle I need to work out, sooner rather than later.

That Vix goes to Europe to travel with Doc is a fact widely - but quietly - known in our local community. It's hard to be clear about this while trying to maintain anonymity, but this is a community of interest that spans the U.S. and Canada, with branches as far away as Europe and even New Zealand.

Even though Doc is living in Germany, he lived in the States not that long ago, and is widely known throughout the U.S. as an active part of this community.

Friends have asked Vix about this, and she has told them outright that she and Doc sometimes travel together and participate together in this particular activity.

Meanwhile, other friends, whom Vix has likely not told directly of her travels, may have caught wind of it. At one gathering, someone started talking about Europe and mentioned Doc by name. He turned to me, with a somewhat cautious look, and asked, "Do you know [Doc]?"

He was distinctly uncomfortable asking. I was equally uncomfortable in replying. I said something mildly evasive - "Not well, but yes," or something like that - and moved on.

It was an awkward moment.

That's not the first time people have (pointedly?) brought up Doc in my presence, and I have wondered what they know, or what they suspect, and what, if anything, I should do about it.

Sometimes, it depends on my mood with respect to Vix, which - as readers of my old blog and other threads have reason to know - is, um, inconsistent. Sometimes I'm comfortable enough with having her travel with Doc, sometimes I'm rather less comfortable.


I think I need to decide on a policy. Vix has chosen to be open, but only to a point. She tells more trustworthy (or at least unavoidable) individuals that she occasionally travels with Doc to attend events; that she needs to be away from Atlanta in order to breathe, and Doc has a house in Germany that is too big for him and otherwise empty; and that they enjoy one another's company. As far as she's concerned, that's all anyone really needs to know.

I wonder if I should take the same line, just brazen it out, and let people think what they will.

It doesn't sit well with me to be too evasive, too indirect - I've sometimes coyly referred to Vix's "breathing holidays" - just as it may not be advisable to be too open or too, um, specific regarding, say, sleeping arrangements when Vix and Doc travel together.

(They sleep together in the same bed, and sometimes have sex.)

I'll think about this more, and pay attention the next time someone mentions Doc in my presence. I'll report back how I respond, and how it goes.

It will be good practice if I end up with another relationship of my own, especially if it's with someone in this same community.

Last edited by hyperskeptic; 03-08-2013 at 03:28 AM. Reason: Typos, grammar, clarity . . . the usual.
Reply With Quote