Came seeking a place to figure out if I can really do this
My partner and I have been together for over 3 years now. We came together based on a need for complete honesty and communication, neither wanting to ever be in another relationship of "ownership", seeing that in so many marriages and relationships. We are also very Spiritual individuals, following a Native American path, and we consider each other Walk-Besides, as we walk beside each other on this journey. We are very spiritually connected. He's talked about "knowing" (he's actually a gifted psychic, really) that there would be "2 women" right from the beginning. I've always been open to that, knowing that we would deal with it when it comes up, as he'd always promised that there would be extensive conversation between us well before he approached any other. A few have come up, nothing ever appropriate in the end, so never really "dealt" with it, until now.
A woman that he had met years ago, had felt a connection with, but nothing ever came of it. She has been going through considerable emotional issues right now, and needs a strong friend, and he is someone she completely trusts. He had mentioned this "connection" with me when it happened, but seemed to jump into approaching a relationship, talking with her about it directly, without ever talking with me about it. A week ago, he was out plowing snow, never told me he'd intended to stop there, and when I called him and he was getting some sleep there, I was pissed. Have gone through the gambit, and we discussed everything intensely when he got home. My biggest upset was not being included, him not being completely truthful (was a wrong assumption of what was promised), and that I'd not yet had time to spend with her. It has always been an insistance (on both our parts) that I need to be able to feel comfortable with this person. His timing could not be worse, as I am going thru court again with my ex husband, and revisiting many trust and abandonment issues.
I'd spent many years within the pagan community, exposed to more than a few poly relationship, some that worked well some that didn't, sometimes as an "other", altho not a "second", per se. I contacted some friends that I know have a long-term very stable poly relationship, and we got together last weekend with them, wonderful discussion, and even more so on the way home.
Well, I met this woman for coffee this week, and I have discovered a new Sister, we got along so very well. Immediate Honest and completely Open communication! She came over to our house from there to help me out with some cleaning projects, and the 3 of us had dinner together. She is a wonderful person.
The kink in this whole thing, for me, is I have Multiple Sclerosis, and over the past 2 years, I have become disabled, unable to do many of the things that we used to do, having mobility and balance issues now. He's said that he wants this to be additional support for me, as much as someone special that he can enjoy those activities that he has had to put on hold because of my disability. I love him dearly, and appreciate all of the things he does for me, so I very much do NOT want to be the reason for his not being able to do the things he enjoys.
Tonight, it is snowing, he is out in the plow, after having dinner at her house, and I know that she is in the plow with him. That used to be MY spot! WE used to go hiking, and he wants to take her to a special mtn that we shared together. I sit here watching TV, alone in the house again, having to struggle to load the wood stove (ok, I'd do that if he was just out plowing, which I never liked), crying to myself "I don't know if I can do this!". Its been a roller coaster over the past few weeks, emotionally. Much of this is due to all of the BS with my ex. I go from being fine, being happy that this lovely woman is part of this, being even more connected with my Love because of the intense communication, to feeling lonely, wishing he'd come home, wishing I'd been there at dinner with both of them, wishing I had someone to come visit with me, and feeling sorry for myself because I can't get out more (physically or financially right now).
Anyway, sorry for the incredibly long intro, followed by a need for someone to help me get a handle on this whole thing.
THANKS for reading this far!