I hope the talk goes well for you.
It does sound like she has been choosing to ignore certain truths, and so her comments and expectations were unrealistic and even dismissive. Saying things like Fly would just deal with it if you move in with her, actually does come off as being disrespectful of what's important to you. She has probably let herself become very attached to you and is living in fantasy because of it. I am sure you will find a way to state what you need in a loving but firm way. Keep us posted.
Independent solo polyamorist seeking lover-friends willing to invest in friendship, companionship, and love, but without a need for partnership.
Never confuse commitment with exclusivity, love with ownership, nor sex with intimacy!
For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
~ Carl Sagan