"My wife is not willing (or able?) to open up our marriage, "
I am sort of in your wife's shoes. My husband wants to open the relationship to add another woman. It is hard for me due to my insecurities - I am trying to work through them to be a more loving caring person who is able to share not only her husband but myself.
Let me know how things go...it is a tough situation. I have mixed feelings and it would be nice to chat with you as you seem to be like my husband and I like your wife...maybe we can talk together and neutral parties to a similar situation.