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Old 03-07-2013, 05:51 PM
lemondrops lemondrops is offline
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 14
Unhappy A weird eating disorder, please help!

I guess this is the right place where to talk about other things besides polyamory. If this is the case, then I am going to add my (or to be exact my boyfriend's problem here).

My boyfriend seems to have a really bad problem with eating. All this started years ago, when he moved out and went to university. At home his meal times always depended on when his mother made the food for the whole family. He never had to worry about when or what to eat, same goes for school lunches. When he left home however, things got a bit more difficult, as he was in charge of his meals now.

As he is doing a lot of stuff, like reading and going running or skiing, he feels that he needs to be at his top shape all the time. When reading something, he feels that he needs to have a lot of energy to understand the text perfectly and to analyze it correctly. He is even afraid that if he hasn't eaten enough his feelings and emotions might be wrong about everything. Therefore he is constantly obsessing about food. We have talked about it for many times and he says that he thinks about food all the time, his main worry is whether he is getting enough energy from his food and has he eaten enough. For most of the time he does not think that he has and keeps on eating. Now he has even started eating fast food because he feels that he gets more calories and energy from that. He constantly feels that he does not have enough energy and blames having eaten too little for it. I am very worried about him, because all this eating has caused him to gain weight and although he already should lose some, not much though, it seems to me that he keeps on gaining and I am afraid it won't stop until he has damaged his health.

Even at night, right before sleep, he often gets up and goes back to the kitchen to eat something. His reason for doing that is that even before falling asleep he is afraid of not having enough energy and afraid of waking up totally drained and tired. Besides that he weighs himself several times a day.

He has even visited the doctor for a few times after diagnosing himself, but they haven't found anything. My boyfriend is somewhat hectic in thinking. He has tried many weird and drastic things that he believed at the time would help him feel hunger better (he is afraid of not feeling hunger or a full stomach as well, just the same "maybe I haven't eaten enough" problem). I have always been there to support him, yet making sure he doesn't hurt himself, but it has reached a point where his new "discoveries" just scare me, because I know they will pass in time, but after coming up with them he believes in them so much. Like drinking water constantly throughout the day (talking about a lot!) or strong lemon juice, even without diluting it.

I have tried helping him by offering to keep a close watch on what he eats and when. Basically making sure that he eats about 4-5 times a day, meals and snacks, so he wouldn't have to worry about it at all, I would do all the thinking until he feels more confident. He is always totally for it at first, but as soon as he feels a bit hungry or worried, nothing I say matters, he just starts eating. This has even ended in him hurting me by getting angry at me for not letting him eat, though I have never literally stopped him, just when things get out of hand I feel I need to be strong and take this seriously. I am actually torn between supporting him and letting him be, as many of his friends and family are making bad comments about his body or eating habits, OR putting my foot down in a friendly but firm way and tell him this has to change whether he likes it or not. I have been thinking of telling him to go and find professional help but maybe we can do something ourselves before that?

Even today, he rushed out all anxious and telling me he can't sleep, he can't think, he needs junk food with calories. I just let him go. He came back and said that he ate two! pizzas and a bit after that he rushed into the kitchen to eat about 3 carrots. This is scaring me so much. He has no control over himself and I don't know what to do. We can't even go anywhere without him worrying about food and maybe even wanting to leave the place to go home and eat. He IS delusional about food and asks me weird questions such as "How do you know you are full/hungry?" "Do you feel instantly energized after eating?" "Is it possible to read or think when having eaten too little?". He seems to think that he needs to be perfect at whatever he is doing and food is the magic drug that makes you feel instantly amazing or when you are having a bad day then food must be the cause of it.

I have no idea how to help him and I feel terrible. In the light of today's events I was thinking of making him a book, where I would draw pictures and helpful notes about how much he should eat and when and why he should stop worrying and that I love him and we can overcome this together. Would this be of any help? Maybe he could look things up when in doubt whether he should eat or not? If you have any advice, please let me know.
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