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Old 03-07-2013, 05:24 PM
lemondrops lemondrops is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Let me take the liberty of reframing your last paragraph....

If that's where we are at? I'd go for 1. Speak up. You can't control his behavior but you are in charge of your own -- so open mouth and clue partner in to your current needs. Talk.

Galagirl
Thank you SO much, Galagirl. The way you took my post together will help me tremendously! It will be of much use!

Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
My husband is an incorrigible flirt. He loves checking out girls, pointing out cute butts, and remarking how awesome it is to have a wife who totally supports his natural tendency and doesn't try to stifle him. He never would have stayed with me if I'd been the type of woman to chastise him for that. I'm secure in my awesomeness and I know he's not going to leave me for some fresh piece of ass, so what's there to worry about?

It's just flirting. I've honestly never understood why some women (it's usually women) make such a big deal out of flirting. It's not like he's running up and humping their leg or asking 20 girls to come home with him on Friday.

His desire to flirt has nothing to do with polyamory. Plenty of monogamous-minded people flirt. Actually, flirting doesn't necessarily even have to do with relationships or dating. For many, it's just harmless fun, a way for two people to interact. It's not so much a "need" as a personality trait. He's flirtatious.

There is no way you "should" feel about that, you feel what you feel. But when you discourage his flirtatious nature, it tells him that you don't accept him the way he is. That makes it another basic incompatibility.
Well, first of all, my boyfriend definitely is not a flirt. It is just a fear of mine that maybe polyamory will change him into one. And yes, I would mind that, at least if he were to do it with me standing right next to him. And I know that polyamory is not a "thing" that can turn people into something, but I just have a hard time understanding it as a mono. I just fear that if I give the permission (a bit exaggerated wording), then why not try to get away with everything? I mean if I said I was ok with polyamory, why not flirt with every girl in sight in the hopes of hooking up, because how would a man let loose in he "fun and flirt world" distinguish between serious deep relationship prospects from hot sexy girls who would maybe be ready for some action, although it possibly would hurt the existing relationship. We have talked that relationships with other who I know and like would be negotiable, but random sex with strangers never. This is my viewpoint and he has definitely agreed, although I keep being afraid that maybe when reality strikes he might forget that. I know I am not doing my bf any justice here, because he has never hurt me like that and neither have I, but I just wanna believe that it will stay that way.


Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post

lemondrops has posted nothing that leads me to believe he's cheating. By the sounds of it, their 24/7 style relationship hasn't allowed him the opportunity. Of course, anything's possible, but I think you're jumping the gun.
Yes, you are right. No cheating has ever happened. When it comes to him already knowing who he would like to be polyamorous with is a bit different. He keeps on claiming that those people would be someone we know. This makes me question of course "Someone who we already know?? Who then??". Because to be honest, we have a group of friends and they are all common friends, but erm...none of them would ever be interested in my boyfriend. I am 100% sure of it. And the reason is because they see him ONLY as a friend. Just as I see all of our guy friends as just friends. So I don't exactly understand him when he says that, it is almost as if he believes that right now we are friends but polyamory would make us fall in love with each other. This is totally out of the question. There is no secret flirting or whatever among our group of friends, so my boyfriend's idea seems a bit unreal and even a bit weird to me.
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