Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
I'm curious if you would be willing to elaborate on this a bit? No need to but if you are willing to share that would great.
This is drifting way off topic from the original thread, but to try a short-answer, it's mostly just happenstance and a pattern I've seen...
I seek someone who wants a serious, committed, long term relationship first and foremost. Many monos are looking for exactly that as well, albeit they expect a relationship with one guy, not a couple. So, there's an adjustment to be made there. Most often, the failure mode with these people is not their commitment, but their lack of satisfaction in having to share me once they understand I really truly AM NOT looking for leave my mate/trade up/etc... all the normal mono-cheater assumptions.
On the flipside, for some reason when I've gently tried to steer my dating towards poly women (so as to avoid the "you're my entire romantic support system, so why can't I have 100% of your time?" problems of dating monos), I've more often than not run into people who (in MY definitions) are more casual/sex-centric/less-committed. I'm not saying that ALL poly women are like that, and freely admit most poly MEN I know are just as casual too... but there are more "commitment minded" women among the mono pool than the poly pool, for whatever reasons. I can explain poly to monos better than I can strong-arm casual folks into commitment.
The concept of closed-polyFIDELITY is a fairly new concept which I think would be more amenable to what we're seeking, but I haven't known enough people of that ilk "as a group" to really say whether that assumption holds water. In terms of what me and mine seek at this point, I suspect another couple looking for a closed quad would "fit" best, so there is balance when together OR apart, and everyone comes to the table for mutual benefit instead of compensation...
Hope that answered your question, but again it's really just "what I've noticed" rather than "what I can fully explain"...