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Old 03-07-2013, 04:49 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 9,453

I hadn't read this thread until now and as I was, I began to formulate a reply. Basically I was going to say that Matt needed to talk before he let it build up to an explosion. I was going to say it is perfectly acceptable for Matt to express to her , "I have been feeling the need for privacy and to connect with my wife alone, so I would rather that you not stay for two or three days at a time and, instead, go back home after an overnight. And please, just use your keys for emergencies when we ask you to. It has felt like an intrusion or an invasion of my privacy when I come home and you're already here." All of that can be discussed calmly and rationally, without raising any voices.

But then I read:
Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
A few shorts hours ago, everything exploded, and it wasn't pretty at all.
This is what happens when important communications get bottled up inside - eventually the cork will pop and there is a mess. It is too bad that the break-up talk and the need for privacy talk got melded together - I think it is important that she knows they are separate issues.

However, now it is all out in the open and at least the truth of what has been seething underneath everything has been revealed. I would say that, as you all move forward, the MOST important thing to do is to forgive (you are all human and handled things the best way you knew how) and... DO NOT HOLD ONTO RESENTMENTS. Resentment is a killer. If you feel it rise within you, do everything to let it go. Look at the love you have and remind yourselves that it is this love that is at the base of the choices you are making.

Be tender with each other, and be thankful that the reality of the situation is now out in the open and no one is pretending anymore just to keep peace. The waters will be choppy for a bit, but keep coming back to loving each other, and loving yourselves. In actuality, though Matt could have expressed his feelings sooner or in a less volatile fashion, he stopped disrespecting himself by letting it out and that seems like a better path to take than just putting up with shit that makes him unhappy. You both now have an opportunity here to forge a new, more truthful way to relate. Maybe Si, the gf, will learn from this also. I would ask her to start looking at what she was getting from being so entwined in your marriage, and what she was looking for when she let herself become to entrenched in your home. I would suggest she look at how to expand her life to include more so she doesn't have to take so much from what you two have. Turn this explosion into a blessing and keep talking.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

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