I am glad you're reading and chatting more comfortably here now, Ceraste.
As I said upthread, I can totally relate to your high sex drive. While my gf is far from asexual, her drive does come and go, and I can get frustrated on the days or weeks when she's not interested in sex. Since she and I have been together, for the first 3 years, I was constantly on ok cupid dating site looking for another lover/play partner/ boyfriend, whatever! Finally I found my bf, Ginger, a year ago.
Most of the men I dated did not meet her. A few did. She wasn't expecting me to bring her home a friend or cuddle partner. Sure, we both thought it would be nice if one of the guys ended up being friendly with her, but miss pixi is well able to find friends and cuddles on her own. She didn't need it as a side benefit of me having a boyfriend. And we weren't looking for someone to "open our home to" full time. Heck, we've been a couple 4 years now and are only now planning to move in together this summer.
But you do your thing! There are as many ways to do poly as there are people doing it. It's a nice goal to wish a lover of yours could be a close platonic friend to your wife! Just plan on being patient as far as a full triad goes (one relationship sexual, one r/ship platonic but cuddly and romantic)... There just aren't that many single women out there willing to move in with an established couple. It's a big risk.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):