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Old 01-06-2010, 08:03 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by jasminegld View Post
I am an activist, and out in lots of places as poly and as a poly activist...which threatened to seriously complicate a custody dispute I found myself connected to not so long ago. Because of my work with UUs for Polyamory Awareness, I was pretty well tied to UUPA's large umbrella definition, presented it to the lawyer, and stood by that defintion. I had made my decision about being out years ago; there was no running and hiding at that point.

Standing tall, confidently, and unashamedly works wonders. Nobody expects it. It confuses them.

At the same time, this was my decision and my family's decision. Each person and each family has to make their own decision, which is competely dependent on their own circumstances. Some of us can be out, and some of us can't risk it. No one else can judge.

Those of us who do choose to be out will make the world a little safer for everyone else every time we are visible. And things keep getting a little bit better.
I would love to know more too. Being on the brink of taking my/our "coming out" and flying with it I certainly would like some tips on how and what worked for you.

Apart from coming out to my parents, as I have said in other threads, I have come out to just about everyone else, including on FB, where a lot of my friends are from many years gone by. It feels great and I get a lot of admiration for sticking to where my happiness is. I also get support from Nerdist's (my husband) mum who has opened her arms to Mono and has welcomed him into her side of the family.

My side is very struck and this is a first for me. All my life they have told me they are proud of me and that they think I chose people well in my life. Now they tell me that they are disappointed and have been deceived. They have also told me that I am not very bright all my life and I have felt abandoned by them many times when I make choices that they don't agree with but this is HUGE abandonment and brought up my childhood traumas to the point of my freezing and/or exploding in anger about their reaction to it all....

Do you have any pointers on how to deal with my feelings so as to stand tall and be as confident as you are? Just doing it doesn't work for me when my confidence is low and I am feeling threatened. I have been told to just ignore them, it's their problem, start doing things without them and I know all that, but it hurts like hell right now. We were very close, they live only five houses down and we used to spend time together everyday. We did everything together. I am getting there. There are things I will and can do, intervening in court being one and continuing to make my poly queer presence known at various public events on various levels, including pride and family picnic days at local parks. I just want to feel safe when I am out there. Before I had my child and it was just me I couldn't care less how safe I was, I could handle anything I thought. That has changed and is still something I adjust to, especially where activism goes. Perhaps this is unique to me?

I guess the biggest thing I can do right now is to gather my community around me and rely on them to help me feel stronger. I have made some good friends on here and at home and they have been loving, kind and we support each other to know end. That feels really good. I cherish them for that as I hope they cherish me. It sounds like you have created the same for yourself. I commend you in that and thank you for giving me hope..... please tell us more?
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