At one point, we did live together, but it was short lived. That's how we got back to the point of saying, "No cohabitation." It was one of those things where we had to try it to fully rule it out. Saying something 10 years ago may not fit in the moment or with new dynamics. The triad had formed, and we wanted to try living together. That's what it was. Since then, we have all agreed that it was for the best that we not continue for the time being. Trial and error.
I have always viewed her as part of our family and an equal. Somewhere between mid-January and the end of February, there was a disconnect and a breakdown of massive proportions between them. He doesn't view her like that anymore. I wasn't in their relationship, so I can't pinpoint what could have triggered or it or started the downfall.
In my heart of hearts, I believe it's resentment that's been eating away at him for an extended amount of time. Resenting the fact that Si's part of me. Resenting the fact that I'm poly. Resenting the fact that he has to "share" me. Resenting the fact that she's part of our children's lives. Resenting the fact that it's 3 and not the societal norm of 2. Resenting the fact that he's part of a poly family. Resenting the fact that he has to include her. Resenting the fact that he has to open up our home to her. As we all know, resentment can breed feelings of hate, disdain, and utter dislike. That's where I tend to believe it's stemming from. When you contemplate telling someone that you wish they weren't part around and that you intentionally leave them out, it screams resentment. Like I told him, I don't think it's about her being around too much. That's likely a cover for the real issue. I think it's about her being around and in my heart.
Counseling is needed. Resentment is unhealthy. Indirect or direct. It's heartbreaking.