Originally Posted by Matt
The hired help was in reference to her watching the kids until we get home. I should just say, "You did what you came here to do, and you can see your way out. We'll see you when we see you. Good bye." I'd even be a gentleman and open the door and clear the way for her to leave. That might need to be the approach. I'm too nice at times and probably roll over and accept shit when I shouldn't. That's my flaw.
YOU're too nice? Are you kidding me? You're expecting her to behave like the hired help (come and do stuff for you, then leave the second it's done), while at the same time not paying her, and you think you're the one being taken advantage of?
If you want her to leave after she's taken care of the kids, pay her, and at least make it clear you're treating her like a nanny. If you expect her to do it for you because you're family, be family.
This whole story reminds me of the "lady in the store" story. Let me copy-paste it from reddit:
There's a lady in the grocery store who only needs one more item to finish her shopping. She finds the item she needs, but there is someone in the way. "No matter," she thinks, "I'm patient; I'll just wait."
The person in her way is checking out the nutritional labels of the products near the item the lady wants. He picks one up, reads it, and puts it back, then moves on to the next. The lady quietly thinks, "He sure is taking his time, but I'll be patient."
This goes on, and on, the guy picks up one item, looks at it, returns it and sometimes he even compares two at a time completely oblivious to the person waiting on the item. "I hope he finishes soon," the lady thinks.
Eventually the lady blurts out, "Will you hurry up or get out of the way!"
Had the lady said "Excuse me" at the start the event would never have escalated to the point of yelling. The moral here is that even going in with the best of intentions good people can still end up being unreasonably rude.
You're bearing with her, getting more and more frustrated, hoping she'll change. But I see nothing that leads me to believe she has any idea about any of it. So to her, it's going to go directly from "everything is fine" to "piss off, we can't take it anymore". And the cruel part is, she's never actually given a chance to change, because she's never told about the problem.
I see zero reason to believe she wouldn't adapt her attitude if she knew what was going on. So right now, you're being frustrated with the way she acts, without giving her any reason to change the way she acts. You even keep inviting her to be polite. Guess what, when you kick her out without a warning, that won't be polite.
If you want her to show up, watch the kids and then leave you alone, when you ask her to watch the kids you should say so. "Hey, we need someone to watch the kids, but then we want to be alone so would you mind coming and watching them, but then going back home after we get back?"
If it sounds unreasonable to you to ask her that (and it should. I can't imagine why anyone would agree to it. Maybe once or twice, as a favour, if you guys do favours for her as well, but certainly not on a regular basis) then you should realise it's even more unreasonable when you say "please stay for dinner" that she'll think "oh, they only wanted me to watch their kids. They didn't ask me here because I'm the girlfriend and they love me. They want me to piss off because I'm done being their servant for the night."