I just read through this entire thread
Originally Posted by hyperskeptic
1) I'm depressed.
No shit, really? Never would have guessed.
What are you doing about it? Are you seeking professional help? If not, you need to right now!
FACTS OF LIFE:
Raising kids is one huge time sucker! As responsible parents, sometimes our wants and needs are put aside to do what is in the best interest of the kids. As they get older, you gain a bit more freedom. Suddenly, they don't mind having the house to themselves for an entire Saturday, they go away to summer camp for a week, etc. They won't be with us forever, sooner than you think, all of a sudden they are 18 and off to college, the military or elsewhere.
Marriage takes work and needs to be a partnership or it becomes just another source of stress. Okay, your wife may have sacrificed a lot earlier in your marriage and now you feel like you "owe" her. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. The back and forth of shifting responsibilities and overwhelming/overstressing one person as "payback" or whatever is not healthy and won't work (even if it's you that feels she deserves it).
I spent years being resentful of organizations and my husband's involvement because it left me to pick up the pieces of our family. While I would have loved to have a little "payback", I felt guilty every time he allowed me to extended time to do my own thing. Through some counceling, I was finally able to get it through his thick head, that we were NOT acting as partners and should be. When we started acting as partner with regard to everything, my stress levels diminished and all of a sudden I had time to spend time making new friends (all my friends at the time were actually his friends and shared no interests with me).
I don't care if you spent the first 16 years of your marriage being a selfish bastard, you are not that person now. However, you still need time for yourself on a regular basis. Hang with friends, play golf, go listen to a band at the local bar, etc. If you wife's travels and other activities are preventing that, maybe you guys need to sit down and find a better balance. A balance for RIGHT NOW, not who owes who what. If she needs to move for health reasons, actively pursue that and involve her. That doesn't mean the only place to look, is where her bf lives.
After watching my brother go through an amicable divorce only to have things turn ugly with custody after she got remarried, I would STRONGLY advice not allowing your kids to move away from you and especially out of the country much less the state.