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Old 03-06-2013, 05:20 PM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 451

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I don't suggest people get divorced every time they hit a road bump, provided both members are willing to put in the hard work to restore the marriage. But my interpretation of what you've said is that your wife has checked out of the marriage and is just doing her own thing now. One person cannot fix a marriage all by himself.
If that were really the case, yes, I could see the point of ending the marriage. But please understand that 1) I've only told the story from my own point of view and, as has become clear to me since yesterday, a lot of this is colored by my own despondency, verging on depression, and 2) what's really at stake here is one fairly defined matter of policy regarding the children.

To be entirely fair to Vix, she is still committed to keeping our household together, and maintaining our relationship as a vital and central focus of her life. She does need to be away, for sound reasons of her own, as well as for reasons that may come across as more . . . optional.

As I've tried to emphasize, she really does a lot of the work of the household when she is home, which is still most of the time. She also tries to do what she can to keep the household functioning when she is away. She is devoted to the girls; it's just that she is more willing than I am to leave them on their own for a short time . . .

I have to acknowledge that a lot of my struggles with this really are just my own struggles; I do, in some sense, just need to get over myself, find more appropriate expectations.

But it's also true that Vix and I have some work to do, shoring up our relationship to one another, negotiating some boundaries now that difference between us are coming out into the open.

The conversation I had with Vix this morning really did clarify a lot of this for me. Again, much of it comes down to my own despondency and withdrawal.

She said she'd fetch ladder, to help me climb up out of the hole I've dug.
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